So we’re getting to the sharp end of the season
And we all expect our team to go for glory
When this weird encounter gave me a good reason
To impart this rather quirky little story.
I was having a quick drink down at the local
Amongst fans who’d come to watch the match on Sky
Though surprisingly the crowd was far from vocal
When you think of the importance of the tie.
For you see it was a crucial quarter final
And my side had scored the only first half goal
So at the break I hit the men’s urinal
While hoping that my team were on a roll.
I emerged and made my way out to the garden
To reflect upon our decent opening spell
When a strange girl interrupted me with ‘pardon’
And proceeded to roll out the old hard sell.
‘Do ya wanna buy a leg a lamb do ya mister’?
As she held up two worn leatherette handbags
While I started working out ways to resist her
We became the focus of the local wags.
For I must confess her question left me speechless
As I stared into her eyes confusion spread
For at cockney rhyming slang I’m frankly useless
And perhaps she aimed to get me into bed.
So I asked her to be rather more specific
Was it just a joint of meat she had for sale?
Could the contents of her bags be that horrific?
For if so her dodgy pitch was bound to fail.
When she turned to leave I knew I must have bored her
For she’d caught me unprepared I can’t deny
But the whole affair was more than out of order
As perhaps she’d robbed a butcher’s shop nearby.
So I had a chat with several fellow drinkers
Who were well amused by what had just occurred
And although it’s true most fans are not deep thinkers
They are well equipped to spot the quite absurd.