Leg of Lamb

So we’re getting to the sharp end of the season

And we all expect our team to go for glory

When this weird encounter gave me a good reason

To impart this rather quirky little story.

I was having a quick drink down at the local

Amongst fans who’d come to watch the match on Sky

Though surprisingly the crowd was far from vocal

When you think of the importance of the tie.

For you see it was a crucial quarter final

And my side had scored the only first half goal

So at the break I hit the men’s urinal

While hoping that my team were on a roll.

I emerged and made my way out to the garden

To reflect upon our decent opening spell

When a strange girl interrupted me with ‘pardon’

And proceeded to roll out the old hard sell.

‘Do ya wanna buy a leg a lamb do ya mister’?

As she held up two worn leatherette handbags

While I started working out ways to resist her

We became the focus of the local wags.

For I must confess her question left me speechless

As I stared into her eyes confusion spread

For at cockney rhyming slang I’m frankly useless

And perhaps she aimed to get me into bed.

So I asked her to be rather more specific

Was it just a joint of meat she had for sale?

Could the contents of her bags be that horrific?

For if so her dodgy pitch was bound to fail.

When she turned to leave I knew I must have bored her

For she’d caught me unprepared I can’t deny

But the whole affair was more than out of order

As perhaps she’d robbed a butcher’s shop nearby.

So I had a chat with several fellow drinkers

Who were well amused by what had just occurred

And although it’s true most fans are not deep thinkers

They are well equipped to spot the quite absurd.